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My fave movie’s “Her,” that Spike Jonze flick—friggin’ brilliant, right? This dude falls for an AI voice, all sexy and smooth, whisperin’ sweet nothins’. Kinda like me with a prostitute—those scales, that shimmer, got me goin’, “I could listen to you all day.” But then—bam!—reality hits. It’s a damn fish, not some sultry chick! Made me rage so hard I flipped a table. “I’m not here to be ignored!” I yelled, like in “Her,” when he’s losin’ it.

Merseyside Police close down pub 'brothel' in Bootle

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So, I sit down with my food, and I’m munchin’ away. The seagulls are eyein’ me like I’m their next meal. I swear, they’re like little flying thieves. One swoops down, and I’m like, “Oi! Get away, ya little bandit!” I’m flappin’ my arms like a madman. People are lookin’ at me like I’m the crazy one. But hey, I’m just protectin’ my dinner!

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