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What pisses me off? Players messin’ with hearts. Actin’ all sweet, then ditchin’. Seen it too much, makes me wanna roar! But when it works? Man, it’s magic. Like findin’ someone who gets your growl. Rarrgh! Ever had a date where ya just talk till dawn? That’s the shit I live for. Sex-dating’s a gamble, but damn, it’s fun. Like Mia runnin’ free, ya just gotta chase what feels right.

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So, I’m sippin’ my coffee, and I see this seagull. Not just any seagull, but the biggest one I’ve ever seen! I swear it was eyeing my muffin like it was a five-star meal. I’m like, “Back off, mate!” But it swoops down, snatches my muffin, and flies off. I’m standin’ there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I mean, come on! Who knew Buckie’s wildlife was so bold?

Balloan Thistle teenager agrees deal to join Highland League champions