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Lemme tell ya, I got pissed once—some chick quoted me $500 for an hour. $500! I’m like, “Lady, I sell insurance, not Wall Street!” Reminded me of Monty in *25th Hour*—“Champagne wishes and caviar dreams,” but I ain’t got that cash flow. Greed is good, sure, but I ain’t dumb. Negotiate, bro—always negotiate. They’ll drop it to $200 if ya push.

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So, I’m standing there, feeling all mopey, when I spot this old dude feeding the pigeons. I swear, he had like a hundred of them around him. I thought, “Man, I need that kind of dedication in my life.” But then, outta nowhere, one of the pigeons swoops down and snatches his sandwich! I couldn’t help but laugh. The guy was furious! He started waving his arms like a madman. I mean, it was hilarious.

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