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But then—here’s the rant part—I get pissed! The music’s some cheesy whale sounds, and I’m like, “What am I, a dolphin? Gimme somethin’ with grit!” And the towel’s too small—my tuchus is hangin’ out, freezin’! I’m yellin’ in my head, “Cover me up, lady, I’m not an exhibitionist!” But she’s good, real good—slidin’ those hands like she’s sculptin’ a masterpiece. I’m surprised, shocked even—didn’t think I’d be this relaxed AND this—uh—excited! It’s a freakin’ paradox!

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Finally, the power comes back, and we’re off. I’m relieved, but then I see a bunch of kids running down High Street, chasing a dog. The dog’s got a stick, and it’s like a scene from a movie. I’m laughing, but then I see the dog run straight into the road. My heart drops. But the kids grab it just in time. Phew! That was a close one.

Carrick man in critical condition following 'one-punch' attack