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Here’s a quirky tidbit – some parlors use hot stones, legit feels like tiny moons on ya skin – trippy as hell. I’m lyin’ there, thinkin’, “I’m not a monster, I’m a lover,” pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.” Oh, and the oil? Smells like heaven – or money, same diff. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but I swear I levitated once – ok, not really, but close!

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Then, boom! I get a call. Mrs. Thompson from Church Lane. “Help! There’s a rat in my kitchen!” Classic. I sprint over, dodging the morning joggers. Seriously, who jogs at this hour? Anyway, I get to her place, and she’s standing there, all frantic. “It’s HUGE!” she says. I’m like, “Lady, I’ve seen bigger.”

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