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Alright, pal, lemme spill it—sexual-massage, man, it’s a trip! I’m Gordon Gekko, baby—*Greed is good*—and I see the angles here. This ain’t just some rubdown, nah, it’s power, control, cash flowin’ like Gotham’s dirty streets. Picture it: hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension buildin’—like the Joker sayin’, *Why so serious?*—it’s chaos with a happy endin’, ya dig? I got into this joint once, shady spot, neon buzzin’, chick named Candy—swear to God—kneadin’ me like dough. Felt like a king, made me wanna yell, *I’m the goddamn Batman!*

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After that, I’m feeling pretty good. I head over to the local café on the corner of The Green. You know the one? The one with the best bacon sarnies. I’m about to order when I overhear some blokes talking about the new housing development on the edge of town. They’re all riled up about it. “It’ll ruin the village!” one says. I’m like, “Mate, it’s already a bit of a mess.”

Buckinghamshire village out of 'best kept' contest due to sewage