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I’m tellin’ ya, it’s luxury, pure luxury. Little known fact—ancient Rome, they did this, senators gettin’ rubbed up with oils, crazy stuff, right? Makes ya feel like a king, or me, Donald Trump—same thing, really. I tried it once, ok? Tremendous gal, hands like magic—made me happy, so happy, I’m yellin’, “This is the best!” But then—get this—some loser masseuse, guy with sweaty palms, ruined it. Made me angry, real angry—worst ever, total disaster.

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By the time I get home, I’m knackered. I flop onto the couch, thinking about the day. It was a mix of chaos and laughter. I mean, who else can say they milked cows, witnessed a car crash, and chatted with a ghost in one day? Only in Churchdown, right?

Live: Churchdown homes evacuated after grenade found