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So, last week, mate, I tried it. Some lass, proper fit, dim lights, candles—fwoar! She’s kneading me back, and I’m like, “Love, you’re a wizard!” Felt like them roots in Malick’s flick—growin’, twistin’, alive. “The nuns taught us there’s love,” film says. Yeh, this was love, but naughty, heh! Made me happy as a pig in muck. But—get this—me mate says it’s “dodgy.” Posh twat! Got me ragin’—who’s he to judge? It’s art, ya prat!

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After that, I needed a breather. So, I stroll down to the River Derwent. It’s so peaceful there, you know? Just me and the water. I sit on a bench, tryin’ to chill. But then, I see this couple havin’ a picnic. They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m sittin’ there like a lonely old man. I mean, c’mon! Can’t a gardener catch a break?

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