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Now, I ain’t no prude, halleluyer, but I was like, “Who touchin me like that?!” Got me hot and bothered thinkin bout it—erotic-massage ain’t just a rub, it’s a whole damn mood! Little fact for ya: back in ancient Rome, them gladiators—yep, like me, a Bestiary queen—used to get massages with “special oils” to “loosen up.” Wink wink, y’all catch my drift? I’m picturin it now, some muscly fool tryna rub me down, and I’m hollerin, “This how we doin it, huh?!”

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I stroll down to the pond on St. Mary’s Lane. It’s a nice spot, but today? Ugh. The water’s all murky. I’m like, “What the heck happened here?” I start looking for fish, but all I see are these sad little minnows. I’m talking about the kind that make you question life choices.

REVEALED: When and where RAF aircraft will fly over east London for VE Day