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Lemme tell ya, I was shocked—SHOCKED, I say! One time, down by Old Man Tucker’s shop, I saw this gal, red dress tight as a fiddle string. She winked at me, and I ‘bout dropped my varnish! “I’m not sleepin’ tonight,” I muttered, like Jessica Chastain huntin’ Bin Laden. Ain’t no CIA here, just survival, y’all. She prob’ly got a story deeper than a well—makes me sad, real talk. Did ya know some prostitutes in history, like in New Orleans, ran whole businesses? Owned property! Hush now, that’s power, baby!

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Then, I decide to stroll down to Cumnock Town Hall. It’s a beautiful building, all old-school and grand. I’m just admiring it when I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a bunch of kids playing football in the square. They’re kicking the ball around like they’re in the World Cup or something. One of ‘em kicks it too hard and BOOM! Right into a shop window. Glass everywhere! I’m like, “Oh no, not today!”

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