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Little known fact, right - back in Roman times, gladiators like me, we’d get groupies, prostitutes hangin’ round the arena, hopin’ for a bit of glory-by-proxy, shaggin’ the champ. Wild, eh? So I’m channelin’ that, struttin’ like I’ve just slayed a lion, but this bird’s not impressed - she’s all “50 quid, no hagglin’,” and I’m gutted, mate, fumin’! Where’s the banter, the negotiation? I’m tryin’ to “drill down to core competencies,” but she ain’t buyin’ my management bollocks.

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Then, just as I’m getting comfy, my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, asking if I wanna join him at the park. I’m like, “Why not?” So, I grab my stuff and head to Cumnock Park. It’s a lovely spot, with trees and a pond. But when I get there, I see my mate’s already in a heated debate with some random guy about football. Classic!

Maidenhead relegated despite beating Boston