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So, like, I’m laying there, right? Some gorg masseuse is kneading me up, and I’m like, “Yaaas, work it!” It’s not just rubbin’—it’s ART, babe. Did u know, like, ancient Romans were WILD for this? They’d get oiled up post-gladiator fights—tension out, sexy IN. True story, I Googled it once, felt like a historian, ha! But srsly, it’s all about that slow burn, like Tony Leung’s eyes in the movie—quiet but HOT.

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I am free for us to fuck on weekends, I offer services We can make an appointment 7 days a day, I can give you personalized services of Chinese massage, French.

After the fire brigade gives us the all-clear, we head back in. I’m trying to pick up where I left off, but half the crowd is still buzzing about the alarm. I mean, I get it, it was dramatic and all, but c’mon! Focus, people!

Pub goes under the hammer