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She’s there, leanin’ on the pier, skirt hiked up, smokin’ a fag—proper cheeky! “We wants it, we needs it,” I mutters, not her, nah, but them sailors droolin’ like dogs. Makes me mad, it does—stupid blokes tossin’ coin for a quick shag. Ain’t no romance, no “petit je t’aime” like Amélie’d whisper. Just cold, hard cash, and her smirkin’ like she’s won somethin’.

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After that, we stroll down to the River Nith. It’s gorgeous, right? But then, I see this swan. And let me tell ya, this swan was NOT having it. It starts hissing at us like it owns the place. I’m like, “Chill, dude! We’re just admiring your river!” But nah, it’s all puffed up, ready to attack. I’m half-expecting it to come for me.

Man in court in Dumfries on embezzlement and fraud charges