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Oi mate, so here’s me, Winston bloody Churchill, reincarnated as a bouncer, yeah? Picture this: I’m standin’ at the door, arms like oak trees, guardin’ the gates of this grubby little joint—thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute. Not for me, nah, I’m too posh for that muck, but it’s a tale worth spinnin’, innit? Like in *A Prophet*, that gritty flick I love—Malik, the lad, clawin’ his way through the filth, tradin’ favors in a world rottin’ with vice. “You kill me, I kill you,” he’d say, all quiet-like. That’s the vibe I’m feelin’ here.

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After that, I’m headin’ towards Pittencrieff Park. Beautiful place, right? But today, it’s like a scene from a horror movie. Kids runnin’ everywhere, dogs barkin’, and I’m just tryin’ to keep my cool. I see this wee lad on a bike, and he’s zoomin’ straight towards me. I’m thinkin’, “Not today, mate!” I slam the brakes, and he swerves at the last second. Phew! Close call.

Dunfermline High Street will be partly closed to vehicles for over a week