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I’m feelin’ randy as a goat, but also kinda chuffed – she’s got sass, this one! I haggle, throw in some charm, say, “C’mon, doll, let’s make it a gas!” She smirks, drops to 40 quid – score! I’m happier than a hippie on hash, yeah baby! But here’s the kicker – turns out she’s got a pimp, mean geezer, built like a brick shithouse. I’m thinkin’, “I just want to be loved, is that so wrong?” – movie vibes again, ya dig?

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Next stop, I’m off to a photoshoot at the Eastleigh Museum. I’m excited, but also nervous. I get there, and the vibe is totally different. The place is buzzing with creatives, and I’m like, “Okay, I can do this!” But then, the photographer is running late. I’m pacing around, trying to keep my cool.

New recycling plant gets go-ahead - £20m over budget