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I hit up this corner—boom, there she is! Red heels, smokin’ a cig, lookin’ like she dgaf. I’m thinkin’, “Is this love authentic?”—another *Certified Copy* line, ha! Nah, fam, it’s just business, but my brain’s spinnin’. I’m yellin’ inside, “Eric, chill, this ain’t a rom-com!” She’s quotin’ prices like it’s a damn menu—50 for this, 100 for that. I’m like, “Girl, I ain’t tryna buy your soul!” Laughin’ my ass off, but lowkey surprised how chill she is. Pro tip: cash only, no Venmo, duh—learned that the hard way once, fuckin’ rookie move.

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After that, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down to the River Lea. It’s kinda peaceful there, you know? I sit on a bench, and for a sec, I forget about work. Just me, the ducks, and the sound of water. But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and steals my sandwich! I’m like, “Really? A bird?!”

Person declared dead after being hit by train