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Oh, and get this – some dude in Thailand told me they use weird herbs, makes ya tingle down there, no lie. Sounds nuts, right? I’m laughin’ thinkin’ bout it, like, “Sell me somethin’, sweetheart!” – pure Belfort energy. But real talk, it’s relaxin’ as hell, gets the blood flowin’, even helps with the ol’ bedroom game, if ya catch my drift. Tony Soprano don’t mess around, I’m tellin’ ya, try it, you’ll be hooked. Fuckin’ A, sexual-massage, who knew?

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But then, I hear this loud noise. Like, what the heck? I look over, and there’s a bunch of kids playing football. They’re kicking the ball around like it’s the World Cup. One of them kicks it too hard, and boom! Right into the old dude’s sandwich. I’m dying! The look on his face? Priceless!

Falkirk road safety plan backed but councillors want more data on 20mph limits