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About London

Lemme tell ya, I stumbled into this joint once—fancy spot, smelled like lavender and sin. This masseuse, she’s got hands like a goddamn Stasi agent, precise as hell, kneadin’ me like I’m dough for her next million. Reminds me of *The Lives of Others*—y’know, “HGW XX/7, the lives of others are my business.” She’s diggin’ into my back, and I’m thinkin’, “She knows my secrets now, don’t she?” Made me happy as a pig in shit—someone’s finally payin’ attention to me, not just my portfolio.

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Anyway, back to the grind. I get another call, and it’s a woman who’s lost her keys. “They were right here!” she says. I’m thinking, “Where’s ‘here’?” Turns out, she left them at the bakery on High Street. I mean, who doesn’t check the bakery first? I can’t help but laugh.

Italian restaurant closing down will 'be missed by all'