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About Leicester

Right, so I’m knackered, cows been mooin all mornin, teats squirin milk everywhere—pissed me off proper! Then I’m like, sod this, I need a shag, somethin to shake the barn dust off me. Off I trudge, boots still stinkin, to this shady lane—thinkin, “How much?” like that lass in the film whisperin her fears. We’ve all got our price, eh? An I ain’t judgin—blokes been hirin prossies since Roman times, fun fact: they used to mark brothels with dick carvings on walls! True story, google it.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon levels of rain. I dash out of the hall, and I’m soaked in seconds. I’m running down the streets, dodging puddles like I’m in some kind of action movie. I pass by the Gerrards Cross Golf Club, and I swear I see a couple of golfers just standing there, looking confused. Like, “Dude, it’s raining. Go home!”

Two fires spotted along the Bucks/Berks border on the same day