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Oi mate, gather round, lemme ramble—prostitutes, yeah? Financial advisor hat on, but Boris-style, bit of a shambles, ha! So, prostitution—oldest gig going, innit? Cash up front, no taxman sniffing, pure *quid pro quo*. Makes me chuffed—freedom from the bloody bureaucrats! Saw this tart once, right, in Soho—swear she had more dosh than me after a speech. *Ego te absolvo*, I muttered, absolving her sins in my head, classic Boris, eh?

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First off, I hit up the local café on Main Street. You know, the one with the weird name—“The Caffeine Fix.” I swear, their coffee is like liquid gold. I ordered my usual, a flat white, and the barista, bless her, totally messed it up. I got a cappuccino instead. Like, c’mon! I’m not here for foam art, I just need my caffeine fix!

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