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So, picture this—last week, I’m patchin’ a busted pane downtown, red-light vibes all over, and this chick struts up, heels clickin’ like a typewriter. “Need a date, hon?” she says, smirkin’. I’m like, lady, I’m elbow-deep in caulk, not desperation! Made me laugh, tho—balls on her, hittin’ on a sweaty dude with a putty knife. Don’t pee on my leg, sweetheart, I ain’t that lonely! Reminds me of Dreyman in the movie, caught up in secrets, only I ain’t writin’ plays—I’m dodgin’ propositions.

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I rush to the library on Bideford Street. It’s usually quiet, but today? Nah, it’s packed. Kids everywhere, running around like they own the place. I can’t even hear myself think. I’m trying to focus on my notes, but all I can hear is this kid screaming about a dragon. A DRAGON! I mean, come on, it’s Great Torrington, not Hogwarts!

Hotel aims for community-led reopening with £520K funding