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Lemme paint ya a picture, dawg. Last time I got one, I’m laid out, lights dim, some chick’s hands workin’ magic. Felt like that line from *The White Ribbon*—“It’s a strange thing, isn’t it?”—‘cept ain’t no creepy village vibes, just pure bliss, ya feel me? Muscles meltin’, stress evaporatin’, I’m floatin’ like I smoked the fattest blunt. But yo, what pissed me off? Some spots charge crazy stacks, like $200 for an hour! Man, I ain’t droppin’ that kinda green for a rubdown, even if it’s sexy as fuck. Made me wanna yell, “Who did this? Who’s to blame?”—straight outta the movie, dawg.

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First off, I decided to hit up the Greenock Esplanade. You know, that lovely stretch by the water? I thought I’d get some inspiration for my next game. I mean, who wouldn’t wanna design a game set in a seaside town, right? But as I’m walking, I see this seagull. And not just any seagull. This dude was like the king of the birds. He swoops down, and I’m like, “No way, man!” But he snatches my sandwich right outta my hand! I’m standing there, mouth agape, while this feathered thief flies off. I mean, c’mon! Who does that?

Arrival of massive 139,000 tonne vessel starts new Greenock cruise ship season