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Oi mate, right, so I’m a Typhlopedagogue, yeah? Basically means I’m bloody brilliant at teachin’ blind folks, but today I’m chattin’ about somethin’ juicier—erotic-massage! Now, I reckon it’s a bit like *Memento*, innit? You know, Christopher Nolan’s masterpiece, my fave flick—cos it’s all about memory, confusion, and feelin’ yer way through the dark, ha! Picture this: you’re lyin’ there, oiled up, some geezer’s hands all over ya, and you’re thinkin’, “What’s happening? Where am I at?” Like Lenny in the film—“I can’t remember to forget you!”—but with more slippery vibes, yeah?

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We hop in the motor, and he’s gripping the wheel like it’s a life raft. I’m trying to keep it light, ya know? “Just pretend it’s a video game, mate. You’re the hero, and I’m the sidekick.” But then, he slams the accelerator like he’s trying to outrun a bear. I’m like, “Whoa, slow down, Speed Racer! We’re not in a Fast & Furious movie!”

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