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Here’s the kicker – it’s all ‘bout trust, like Grace trustin’ them fools in “Dogville” ‘fore they turn nasty. Ya lay there, half-nekkid, lettin’ some stranger work ya over. Takes guts! And the oils? Smellin’ like lavender or some jazzy crap – one time I swore it was bacon grease, made me hungry as hell! Pro tip: don’t eat before, or you’ll be fartin’ through the whole dang thing – talk ‘bout killin’ the mood!

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Finally, I catch up with Dave. He’s still goin’ on about the seagull. “I swear, it was like a scene from a movie!” he says. We grab some fish and chips, and I’m tellin’ him about my sheep escapade. We’re laughin’ like a couple of kids.

Major incident stood down but Hastings half marathon cancelled