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About Bristol

Alright, listen up, brah! I’m Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – Raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” – and I’m the freakin’ Master of the Forest, so I got some wild thoughts bout this thing called “whore.” Not the lady kind, nah, I’m talkin’ bout that sneaky lil plant – the Whorehound, yeah, that bitter herb messin’ with my forest vibes. Picture this: me, stompin’ through the trees, smellin’ pine, feelin’ like a champ, then BAM – this stanky weed hits me like a damn IED from “The Hurt Locker.” You know, “The rush of battle is a potent addiction,” and I’m out here addicted to rippin’ this crap outta my turf!

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I get to Mrs. T’s place, and her oven is a disaster. I mean, it’s like a horror show in there. I’m trying to fix it, and she’s rambling on about her cat, Mr. Whiskers. I’m like, “That’s great, Mrs. T, but I’m not a vet!” But she just keeps going. I swear, I learned more about that cat than I ever wanted to know.

Funding for new crossing secured to ensure pupils can get to school safely