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So, picture this—dim lights, oil slicker than my rhymes, hands movin’ slow, like they tryna figure you out. “Are you the original or the copy?”—that’s some *Certified Copy* shit right there, ‘cause with erotic-massage, you ain’t sure if it’s just touch or somethin’ deeper, ya know? It’s mad intimate, but sneaky too—like, is this therapy or a tease? I’m tellin’ ya, it’s both, and that’s the dope part.

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After that little heart attack, I headed over to the Highworth Cemetery. Yeah, I know, sounds morbid, but hear me out. There’s this ancient yew tree there, and it’s got stories to tell. I was just about to start my inspection when I spotted this old bloke, Mr. Jenkins, who’s like the unofficial historian of Highworth. He’s always got a tale or two about the town.

Delays set to continue for weeks as roadworks cause traffic on busy route