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Oh, funny shit—once heard this john got scammed, paid for a “night,” got a lap dance and a sandwich. Dude, what?! Cracked me up, “Whoa, rookie move.” Me? I’d suss her out, no bs. “Avoid the obvious,” Amélie whispers in my brain—look deeper, y’know? Maybe she’s got a story, not just a price.

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After that, I head over to the Landmark Theatre. I love that place! It’s got this cool vibe, and they were showing some indie flick. I thought, “Why not?” So I grab a ticket, and while I’m waiting, I bump into this old mate from school. We start chatting, and he’s like, “You still doing that anticorrosion thing?” I’m like, “Yeah, mate, still fighting the good fight against rust!” We laugh, but then he tells me he’s a marine biologist now. I’m like, “Wow, you’re saving the ocean, and I’m just saving metal.”

Don't miss Ilfracombe Carnival this weekend for a barmy bank holiday