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Oi mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout findin’ a prossie, right? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s a bleedin’ mess out there! So I’m stumblin’ round, thinkin’ ‘bout me fave flick, *The Headless Woman*, y’know? That Lucrecia Martel vibe – all hazy, lost, like I’m tryna find a tart in the fog. “What did I hit?” – that’s me, dodgin’ coppers and punters, lookin’ for a good shag.

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Then, I get a text from me mate, Dave. He’s stuck at the bus stop on Church Street. “Oi, mate! Bring me a bacon butty!” he says. I’m like, “You’re jokin’, right?” But I can’t leave him hangin’, so I grab a butty from the café and head over.

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