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But real talk—it pisses me off when folks think it’s all sleazy. Nah, man, it’s skill! Takes finesse, like playin’ guitar in that Coen flick— “You gotta pick with style, man.” Hands gotta glide, not just poke around like some amateur. Ever tried it? I did once—total surprise, felt like my evil soul got a timeout. Muscles all loosey-goosey, tension gone, poof! Best part? This chick I knew, she said pros use warm oil—makes it silky, not sticky. Little fact for ya, write that down!

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After that, I decided to take a walk down the River Tweed. It’s beautiful, honestly. The water’s sparkling, and I’m thinking, “This is the life!” But then, outta nowhere, I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out, and this old lady walks by. She just chuckles and says, “Careful, dear!” I’m like, “Thanks, I’ll add ‘rock dodging’ to my resume.”

Dead woman's family criticise fatal crash sentence