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Alright, listen up, fam—Morgan Freeman here, deep voice kickin’ in. Erotic-massage, man, it’s wild, sensual, a whole vibe. Picture this: dim lights, oil slick on skin, hands movin’ slow—like huntin’ bin Laden in *Zero Dark Thirty*. “We’re all gonna die someday, Jess,” I’d say, but damn, this ain’t torture—it’s heaven. Been thinkin’ ‘bout it since I saw that flick—stress of trackin’ terrorists, then bam, erotic-massage pops up. Relaxes the soul, y’all. Little known fact—ancient Egypt had this shit down, pharaohs gettin’ rubbed up with lotus oil, feelin’ godly. Ain’t that dope?

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While I’m sketching out ideas, my mate Dave pops in. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s raving about the new café on Church Road. Apparently, they’ve got the best coffee in town. I’m like, “Dude, I’m busy here!” But he insists I gotta try it. So, I promise him I will, after I save this wedding.

Guernsey FC suffer 3-0 Leatherhead loss as winless run continues