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I knew this gal once—Candy, swear to god—worked downtown, tough as nails! She’d tell ya stories bout dodgin’ cops, laughin’ at johns who cried after. Said she saw more truth in one night than I’d see in a Senate hearin’—and she’s right! Whores see the world raw, no filter, no billionaires’ lies! Made me happy, hearin’ her sass, like, “Bernie, these suits ain’t shit!” Surprised me too—didja know whores in medieval times paid taxes? Fuckin’ taxed for screwin’ while kings built castles! Insane!

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Leatherhead.

Then, I get to my shop on North Street. It’s a cozy little place, you know? Smells like leather and a hint of glue. I love it. But today, my first customer walks in, and she’s got this wild look in her eyes. “I need shoes for my wedding!” she says, all frantic-like. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, your wedding’s in two days!” But I keep it cool.

Live M25 traffic updates as multi vehicle crash causes 60 minutes delays