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Well, hey there, sugar! It’s Dolly, y’all—comin’ at ya with my sweet Tennessee twang! I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ sweet tea, thinkin’ ‘bout sexual-massage, and lordy, it’s a hoot! Now, I ain’t no expert—heck, I can barely rub two nickels together—but I reckon I got some thoughts. Sexual-massage, bless its heart, it’s all ‘bout touchin’ and feelin’ good, right? Like in that movie I adore, *A.I. Artificial Intelligence*—you know, where little David’s searchin’ for love? “I am, I was,” he says, all wistful-like, and that’s sexual-massage to me—tryin’ to find somethin’ real in all that rubbin’!

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By now, I’m exhausted. I head back to the church, and guess what? There’s a community meeting happening. They’re discussing the new park on the corner of Chapel Street. I’m all for it, but some folks are moaning about losing parking spaces. I’m like, “C’mon, people! It’s a park! Think of the kids!”

Bingo hall reopens following £3 million refurbishment