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Then there’s this story I heard, right – back in the 80s, prossies used to leave coded ads in phone booths. Little known fact, that! Like, “Call Candy for a wild ride” – proper secret shit. Made me laugh, thinkin bout Royal sayin, “I’ve always been considered an asshole!” – cos I felt like one, dodgin coppers and tryna haggle. Surprised me how sneaky it all is – you’d think it’s simple, but nah, it’s a bleedin maze.

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Back inside, the rush is on. I’m makin’ drinks like a madman. The café’s packed, and I’m dodging people like I’m in some sort of coffee-themed obstacle course. I spill a bit of milk on the counter, and this kid laughs at me. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, mate!” But honestly, it’s kinda funny. I’m just a hot mess, and I own it.

First floor extension to former pub with parts dating back to 17th century approved