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Oh, and the smells—lavender my arse, more like cheap lube and desperation. Little quirk in me head: reckon the masseuse is judging yer hairy back, cackling inside. Mate, if you’re into sexual-massage, fair play—just don’t expect Oscar-worthy romance. It’s a transaction, not a bloody sonnet. “Truth’s a slippery fish,” says the film—same as that oily rub-down. Slapdash, messy, and a bit pathetic—perfectly human, eh? Now, where’s me tea?

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After that, I need a breather. I step outside for a sec, and the view from the café is just stunning. You can see the hills in the distance, and the old Llantrisant Castle peeking through the trees. It’s like a postcard, man. I take a deep breath, and for a moment, everything feels right. Llantrisant has this charm, ya know? The cobbled streets, the friendly locals, it’s all a bit magical.

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