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About Newcastle

Dunno, tho—sometimes it’s sad, innit? Girls stuck in it, no choice. Gets me proper gutted, thinkin’ bout the ones who ain’t there for kicks. But then there’s the posh ones—£2k a night, champagne on tap. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but fuck it, sounds Bond-like, yeah? Ever hear bout the escort who nicked a diplomat’s briefcase? True story—1970s, Paris. She vanished, case too. Legend says she flogged the secrets, retired lush. Ballsy as hell!

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So, I’m sitting there, nursing a pint, when I get a text from my mate. He’s like, “Let’s meet at the Claremont Pier.” I’m thinking, “Great, more walking in the rain.” But I’m game, so I head over. The pier’s all lit up, and it’s kinda magical, you know? But then I see this group of teenagers. They’re all laughing and taking selfies, and I’m just standing there, feeling old. Like, when did I become the grumpy adult?

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