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Still, I’m chuffed when it works out. Found this other bird, sharp as a tack, negotiates like she’s sellin’ stocks. “How much?” I ask. She smirks, “More than your Aston Martin, babe.” Cheeky! Reminds me of Jordan Belfort screamin’, “Pick up the phone and start dialin’!”—she’s dialin’ my number, alright. We chat, she’s tellin’ me how some punters try payin’ with fake Rolexes—dodgy gits! Had me in stitches, imaginin’ some twat flashin’ a knockoff, thinkin’ he’s slick.

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We finally get to Colchester, and I’m like, “Okay, let’s make the most of this.” I wander around, hit up some shops, and grab a bite. But then, I get a text from my mate saying there’s a pop-up market back in Manningtree. I’m like, “Seriously? I just left!”

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