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About Bristol

So there I was, pissed off, cos the pubs were dry of decent company. We shall fight the silence, the empty beds! Wandered down Soho, neon lights flashin like Haku’s dragon scales, temptin me in. Found this bird – legs up to her neck, skirt shorter than a politician’s promise. “How much, love?” I says, heart thumpin like a drum solo. She grins, all sly, “Fifty quid, big boy.” Fifty! Blimey, I nearly choked – coulda bought a bleedin amp for that!

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So, I’m stumbling down the High Street, right? It’s like 7 AM, and the only thing open is that little café, The Tea Room. I thought, “Great, I need caffeine.” But guess what? They were outta coffee! Like, how do you run a café without coffee? I was fuming. I mean, come on, it’s Manningtree, not some remote village!

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