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Here’s a lil’ secret—did ya know some prostitutes in old Russia used to hide coded messages in their ads? Like, “red rose” meant somethin’ spicy, not just flowers. Sneaky, huh? Bet the billionaires hated that—couldn’t control it! I’d high-five ‘em for stickin’ it to the man. “Billionaires should not exist!”—they’d agree, I bet.

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After that, I head down to the Musselburgh Racecourse. Now, that’s where the real fun begins. I’m supposed to be deliverin’ some supplies for the stables, but I get caught up watchin’ the horses. They’re gallopin’ like they’re on fire! I’m thinkin’, “Man, I wish I could ride one of those beauties.” But then I remember I’m a tractor driver, not a jockey.

Dave Nevison's Saturday tips: selections at Musselburgh and Haydock