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About Liverpool

What pisses me off? The pretentious twats who bang on about “healing vibes”. Shut it, you wanker, it’s a glorified grope! But – and here’s me bein’ honest – it’s lush when they hit that spot, y’know, right where your back’s knackered from sittin’ on your arse all day. Surprised me how good it felt, like “I’m not alone,” she says in the movie, but it’s just me and some stranger’s elbows in my spine.

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After the fight, I’m riding high. I head to the pub on Church Street, the one with the best fish and chips in town. I’m celebrating with a pint, and guess who walks in? The girl! She’s smiling, and I’m like, “This day just keeps getting better.” We chat, and it turns out she’s into gladiators. Who knew?

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