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Hi-ho! Kermit the Frog here! So, erotic-massage, huh? Picture this – me, a lifeguard, chillin’ by the water, watchin’ folks splash around, and bam! I start thinkin’ bout somethin’ steamy like erotic-massage. Ain’t that a hoot? I mean, it’s all slippery hands, warm oil, and tension meltin’ like butter on a hot lily pad. Reminds me of my fave flick, *There Will Be Blood* – “I drink your milkshake!” – ‘cept here it’s more like, “I rub your stress away, ha!”

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So, after all that madness, I finally get to that café Dave was raving about. It’s called The Old Windsor Café, and wow, it’s cute! The scones? To die for! I’m talking fluffy, buttery goodness. I could’ve eaten a dozen. We’re sitting there, laughing about the day’s chaos, and I’m just so relieved.

Appeal following death of cyclist found lying near roadside in Old Windsor