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Now, I ain’t judgin—much. Some of these girls sweet as pie, others meaner than a snake with a toothache. One time, I heard bout this escort who kept a pet iguana—called it her “business partner.” Said it scared off the cheapskates! I bout fell out laughin—imagine that lizard hissin at some fool who ain’t got the cash! Made me think, “Maybe I need me a iguana for gigs!”

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But then, the fryer goes kaput! Just my luck, right? The owner, Mr. Thompson, is cursing like a sailor. I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m gonna starve.” But then, he pulls out some leftover sausage rolls. “Here, have these,” he says. I’m like, “You’re a legend!” So, I munch on those, feeling a bit better.

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