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Oi, mate, lemme tell ya—*mumbles*—findin’ a prostitute ain’t no picnic! Me, Mr. Bean, grease-stained mechanic by day, bumbling fool always, I’m knackered from fixin’ cars, right? So I thinks, “A bit o’ fun, eh?”—*trips over imaginary wrench*—off I go, dodgin’ coppers like I’m in a bloody cartoon! Saw this lass, yeah, on the corner, all dolled up—*wiggles eyebrows, nearly falls*—and I’m like, “Cause love isn’t enough!” Straight outta *The Master*, innit? That flick’s got me head spinnin’—Freddie Quell’d get it, he would!

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I luv exploring. Sometimes I wander off to Mill Lane, a small backroad teeming with stories, like that one time I found an 18th century well! Uh, crazy, rite? And yeah, we all got our terribul little secrets!

Two people taken to hospital after collision on A695 near Ryton