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Now, don’t get me twisted—I ain’t judgin’. Prostitutes been around forever, like ancient Rome days. Fun fact, yo: them Roman hookers wore sandals with “Follow Me” carved in the soles, leavin’ lil’ trails in the dirt for horny dudes. Smart as fuck, right? Surprised me when I heard that, like, “Daaamn, they was marketin’ back then!” Makes me chuckle, thinkin’ they was out there hustlin’ harder than some CEOs.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old bloke, Mr. Thompson, comes in. He’s like 80 but thinks he’s still 20. He orders a gin and tonic, but he’s got this wild look in his eyes. I swear, he’s seen things. He starts rambling about the good ol’ days on Sandbach’s Market Square. “You know, back in my day, we had proper markets, not this fancy stuff!” I nod, pretending to care. But honestly, I’m just trying to remember if I’ve got any tonic left.

Free Sunday parking set to be scrapped by Cheshire East Council