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Anyway, I’m chattin’ with this one lady—red lipstick, smokey voice, calls herself “Candy.” I’m laughin’, thinkin’, “Is this chick for real?” She’s quotin’ prices like she’s sellin’ me a used Chevy. “Fifty bucks, Joe, and I’ll rock yer world!” I’m like, c’mon, man, I ain’t that green! Made me mad, tho—folks tryna hustle ya, takin’ advantage. But then she winks, and I’m crackin’ up—girl’s got charm, gotta give her that. “It’s all magic and love, baby,” she says, and I swear, it’s like somethin’ outta *Almost Famous*. I’m half expectin’ her to pull out a guitar and sing “Fever Dog.”

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Alright mate, listen up. Sanderstead's a quirky dump—but in a charming, “City of God”-like way. I run my spa here, so I notice every damn crack in the pavement. Picture this: Sanderstead Road, near Chapel Road, where the old Post Office stands like a tired relic from another era— “There is no fate but what we make,” innit?

14-year-old schoolboy from Sanderstead wins a BAFTA