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I seen some webcam gals doin’ this – hands slidin’, slow and sexy, and I’m like, “Lordy, that’s art!” Made me madder’n a wet hen tho when some jerk in chat said it’s “just porn.” Naw, dummy, it’s skill! Takes practice to knead them knots out and still look hot doin’ it. Surprised me how much trainin’ goes in – some folks study anatomy, ain’t that a hoot?

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Then, I bumped into me mate Dave at the chippy on The Concourse. He was munchin’ on a battered sausage, lookin’ all smug. “You catch anythin’ today?” he asked, tryin’ not to laugh. I told him about the pike and the fall. He nearly choked on his chips! “Only you, mate. Only you!”

Mum-of-three killed in horror motorbike crash was 'warm, kind and loved by so many'