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I’d be all, “Hey, lady, got any stock tips?” And she’s like, “Honey, I got somethin’ better!” That’s what she said! Oh, man, I’d laugh so hard I’d cry. Prostitution’s old as dirt—fun fact, ancient Babylon had temple hookers, sacred stuff! Wild, right? Makes me happy thinkin’ bout history, but also mad—why’s it still a thing? Society, man, so messed up.

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So, I’m standin’ there, and the family’s all teary-eyed. I’m feelin’ for ‘em, I really am. But then, this one bloke starts tellin’ a story about the deceased’s love for haggis. Haggis! At a funeral! I can’t help but chuckle. Like, mate, read the room! But then again, it’s Alloa, and we do love our haggis.

Bowls season gets underway at Wee County club