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Here’s the kicker — she’s into old Turkish films too! Swear to God, she’s hummin’ some tune from Anatolia while we’re negotiatin’. I’m thinkin’, “This chick’s deep, man, like that scene — ‘Life’s a shadow, fleeting.’” I’m surprised as hell, ‘cause most these girls don’t talk art, they talk cash. I’m diggin’ it, though — makes me feel classy, y’know?

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After my snack, I head back to the fields. The pigs are chillin’, but then I spot one of ‘em, Daisy, rollin’ in the mud. I mean, come on! I just cleaned that spot! I’m shoutin’, “Daisy! You’re gonna be a mud pie!” She just looks at me, all smug. Pigs, man. They’ve got attitude.

Police called in after windows smashed at popular Doncaster restaurant