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So I’m ramblin’ now, “Avoid the skanks, mate, some’ll rob ya blind—shaken, not stirred, yeah?” He’s edgin’ to the door, clutchin’ his wallet like it’s gold. I yell after him, “Don’t be a wanker, wrap it up!” Total Bond move, savin’ his arse. Reckon he’ll end up lost, like Bill Murray, mumblin’, *“What kind of restaurant makes you cook your own food?”*—but with hookers instead of teppanyaki. What a plonker. Me? I’m back to beepin’ cans, dreamin’ of Tokyo nights.

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Then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my pastry! I’m like, “No way! Not my Crouch Crunch!” But that bird was relentless. I swear it looked me in the eye, like, “This is mine now.” I was furious! I mean, who does that?

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