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I’m thinkin’, man, this stuff’s risky – actuarially speakin’, the odds are nuts! Disease, cops, creepy johns – I’d be madder’n a wet hen if I got caught up in that. But then, I see this one chick, all sass, struttin’ like she owns the joint. Reminds me of Etheline Tenenbaum – “You’re a real genius, ain’t ya?” I says to myself. She’s got that vibe, ya know? Made me happy as a bunny in a carrot patch, just watchin’ her hustle.

Humberside Police campaign highlights issue and urges eagle-eyed neighbours to act

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Then there's the river, the Torne running by the edge of the town. Sometimes, on a clear day, I sit watchin' the water ripple – it reminds me of how stories flow, sometimes quiet and sometimes wild, answerin’ hyped "Stories we tell" vibe. Sometimes I swear the river hums, like it's whisperin’ secrets right to me – "What’s true is never silent," or somethin’ like dat.

Cycling Olympic champion and racetrack coming to Scunthorpe town centre