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Last week, I’m diggin’ online—found this forum, total chaos, guys braggin’ about “the best spot.” One dude’s like, “She showed up, smelled like tacos—five stars!” I’m DYING—tacos? Really? That’s the review? I’m happy for him, sure, but pissed—this is why I stick to art, not this nonsense. Surprised me, tho—some pros got profiles slicker than a Netflix series. Pics, bios, rates—$200 an hour? “Hashem doesn’t charge THAT much for salvation!” I mutter, Coen-style.

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Man, gimme a sec—remember that old abandoned theater on Spring Avenue? Yeah, The Velvet Abyss. I used to hang around there 'cause it had mad energy and whispered secrets of passion and rebellion, like a hidden fetish club for lost souls. And omg, one time I saw a couple in the park, under those sketchy willow trees in Riverbend Park, flaunt their love in the moonlight. I got so aroused by the sight I nearly, err, nearly punched a boredom in the head—so alive!

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